July and August are officially known as "global flood season" --worldwide (hence the global word I guess).
So what? said I. That was in May.
May was long for me as you might remember. I usually have some inkling of the suffering of others in the world. But May was not the month for me to look past myself or what was going on 2.0 miles from my house.
In June, a Rotarian man named John that I have high respect for had a look on his face that changed my mind.
John is a professional farmer (do they have a title?). He lives in a fancy house. He has money. He is an extremely dedicated humanitarian. He loves the Indian Widow Project idea and wants to do more. He was making plans for our project through the spring. He is influential. The guy is unflappable.
Then I saw John in June, and all that was on hold.
My widow project. On hold.
Rotary. On hold.
His personal life. On hold.
Farming. On hold. Which that alone is damaging when you are professional farmer.
"Val, I have to resign from the micro-loan project. As a matter of fact, I will not be doing Rotary for while" he said. What? Why? Says me. I will never forget his answer OR the look on his face:
"Because the flood is coming."
My lack of farming experience tells me enough to know that I don't really comprehend or understand what the means. What that REALLY means.
But, living through global flood season here in Missouri, it makes sense now.
this is NOT a lake...this is a flood
Floods are not dangerous like tornados. You have weeks to know they are on their way.
Which sucks in its own way.
This is NOT a lake either...
Floods are not scary....scary like a earthquake scary. They don't shake your pictures off the wall. They are quiet. If you aren't directly impacted by one...you probably wouldn't know it was there.
But floods are deadly.
Floods are scary.
Floods don't just have their initial flood water come through one day and it is over. Flood waters continue to come months after the initial push.
Floods are destructive. They can leave scars. Sometimes deep scars.
Floods last a long, long time.
I have decided that my flood season started five years ago with Tom's diagnosis of terminal cancer.
Then a year later, I started my battle with epilepsy.
That same year The Boy got sick.
The next year Mr. Fun was diagnosed with cancer.
This summer has been a peak in the "flood" waters in my life. Peaks in floods are good. That means that the flood water is going to start to go down and eventually level the river to normal levels.
Balance, as it were.
This summer has brought my own floods:
A flood of emotion
A flood of memories
and a flood of let down.
A flood of emotion:
Obviously, with the death of someone who was like a brother to me, I have had emotion. Lots of it.
A flood of memories:Recollecting our time with Tom as well as going home for the month of July has brought a lot of memories to light. It has been good. Healing.
A flood of let down:
The Boy has gone to full day of school all four days this week. That hasn't happened in four years. Four years. Maybe that doesn't sound like a big deal to other people, but it is a heck of a big deal to us. He is growing and they think his body might grow out of his illness. I am feeling cautiously optimistic about this.
With Tom's passing, my day job has come to an end and I am sorting out what I should do with the rest of my life. :)
If I was caught in a flood, I would think that I would try swimming to keep afloat.
For now I think that is what I should do... just keep swimming...just keep swimming