Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Val's Funeral Plans

To quote Nat--to post or not to post.  I wrote this a couple days ago....I am feeling it today. 

"Nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive..."  Nikki Stixx--"Life Is Beautiful"

Great song, but it has a different effect on me.  I don't feel alive at a funeral.  I feel like planning.

I have always been a planner.  Even as a kid, I would see an open space and wonder what I could do in there.  Movie theaters, football fields, school common areas. 

Death of course brings funerals, which brings the planner out in full force.  I have comtemplated more than once (and this week more seriously than other weeks) about being a funeral director. 

When my grandmother died a few years ago, we had a party of sorts after the funeral.  Everyone else in the family was drinking "Mike's Hard Lemonade" (translation for the Mormons:  spiked lemonade) while I got chummy with the funeral director (who was also having some Mike's).  She said I was a natural, because of course she had a few in her and had known me all of 20 minutes.  I bet she says that to all that families that drunk her up during her afternoon shift. 

Everytime I attend a funeral, I see parts I want at mine or not.  I always tell Mr. Fun the changes, addendums, the additions, the subtractions.  Several years ago, when Tom was diagnosed with cancer and we planned his funeral, I planned mine as well.  Some of that has changed since then.  I did write it down, but you know, I think he might could find it easier here. 

If you are interested, you can read along....drumroll please....

Open Letter to Mr. Fun about Val's Funeral
Mr. Fun,
You said to write it all down.  Here it is, lovey:

Opening Song:  Because I Have Been Given Much (LDS hymnbook page 219)
Opening Prayer:  Charity Martin Reno
Obituary reading/Eulogy:  Dave Tallant (if he is still alive--he is pretty old :))--I have seen him in action and he does a great one
Talk: Sheri Dean--add some heathen touch
Special Musical Number:  In This Very Room
Talk:  Natalie Anderson
Scripture:  And David's soul was knit to Jonathan's
Slideshow of Valsy and some of my favorite pictures I have taken
Open Mic Time
Closing Remarks:  whichever bishop is running the show (some good words like Val was a nice librarian) (not too churchy or my parents will get bored and skip for some golfing  :))
Closing Song:  Well Fount of Many Blessings (in some old hymnbook you find at the DI thrift store)
Prayer:  Tiel Smith

I would like to be buried in fluffy socks, a pillow and blanket.  A soft blanket.  Maybe with a photo book of my work.  Don't leave me alone in the church at night.  You know what I am saying--sleepover.

Can you make my face have a smile on it during the viewing?  My blue earrings I always wear...they don't poke the back of my neck.

Food:  Lori will be a great one to run the food.  She knows I will haunt her if they serve Funeral Potatoes.  Especially the ones with corn flakes on top.  Gag.  Our kids don't like those.  Make sure there is some homemade bread...with strawberry rubarb jam for all you Amish jam lovers.  Homemade raspberry lemonade in the summer or hot chocolate in the winter for drinks.

Cheap smooth casket.  I like The Girl's idea to signing the casket with Sharpies during the viewing.  Like a big strange yearbook.

Cheap burial spot, with some sort of garden seat so that you can rest your weary bones. Have some of those pretty dollar store clear stones so that peple can put them on top of my tombstone so I know they were there. Like Oskar Schindler's grave.

Make sure the obituary ends with "Buick for sale."  :) 

Donate any flowers to the Oncology floor of the local hospital to the patients who never have visitors.  Ever.
Maybe take some to the dinner tables of the homeless shelter. 

I would prefer no flowers actually but instead donations made to the North Kansas City Rotary Club Charitable Fund (and it is tax deductable) so the money can go to good use.  They will know how to best serve the folks who need it.

Pall Bearers:
Mr. Fun
The Boy
Big Daddy Joe
Brother Brian
Tiel Smith
Tom* (all depends on the health)
Nathan P
Dave T

Darrel W
Dick G.
Tom Thorpe
The Girl
Tom A.

Did I forget anything?  Man, I sure am bossy for a dead girl.  :)