Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Southern Superlatives

When I was in high school, they had goofy awards called "Senior Superlatives."
You know them.....awards voted on by your classmates.  There was"Best Dressed" (I didn't win that--surprised?  :) ), "Best Hair" (I didn't win that either--I mean I should have....I have had the same hair since 3rd grade so it must be working), and "Best Couple" who of course broke up not too long after marriage and have remarried other people.  I did have a serious boyfriend so I technically could have won that one with him, but ends up that he was really gay and it can neither be confirmed that I was his "beard" for the time.  Apparently my classmates knew we weren't the best couple...which a good friend should have pointed it out.  Thanks Sheri.

Man, sure miss high school.  Not.

Mr. Fun should have won "Best 501s" (seriously), and "Best Dressed" but he was beat out by the one dress outfit the winner wore often.  I voted for him in both categories.  He should have won "Smartest" too....I mean after all, he did marry me.  :)  (In case you don't know, we went to high school together which is fun when we hear girly gossip about our hometown we can equally enjoy it).

I did actually win some superlatives.  "Most Spirited," "Everybody's Buddy," and "Most Unforgettable."  Nothing to do with clothing or hair.  :)

So, having just spent basically a month in a moving vehicle, traveling 5,909 miles in the last 30 days, it gives you time to think. 

I noticed that I had an overabundance of leg hair.  Which wasn't my fault since I hadn't had a hot shower in three days in our hotel in Florida. 

I noticed that the back seat is more spacious than the front.

And it gave me time make up my own "senior superlatives."  Southern style.
And the winners are....in no particular order:
~Southern Superlatives~
Smelliest state:  Louisana (until the end when it smelled like potato salad with pickles)
Worst city to drive in:  Nashville, Tennessee
Unexpected surprise of beauty:  Eufuana, Alabama
Coolest trees:  a tie     Cemetery in Florida
                                    Driveway of plantation in Charleston, SC
Biggest chain:  Not Wal-Mart.  Cracker Barrel
Prettiest temple grounds:  St. Louis, Missouri
Biggest Sassafras tree:  As the sign said, "probably" Owensboro, Kentucky
Smellest mildew hotel room:  Little Rock, Arkansas
Missed opportunity:  Vicksburg, Louisana
Longest duration we were lost:  Sulphur Well, Kentucky for one hour
Best recycling of a fort:  Fort Moultrie (for five wars) Charleston, SC
I can't stop staring:  Star Wars Convention, Orlando Florida
Something Sheri missed out on:  Willie Nelson Gift Shop, Nashville, TN
Total states driven through:  12
Peaches from the side of the road:  South Carolina
Best chinese food:  Orlando, Florida
Biggest invocation of "white man" guilt:  Slave cabins of Boone Plantation Charleston, SC
What were they thinking?  Stone Mountain  Atlanta, Georgia
Strangest things we heard on the radio:  tie:  gospel tent revivals (Alabama)
                                                                       Kasey Kasem Countdown from 1971 (Florida)
Sisters doing it for themselves:  Sweetgrass baskets of Highway 17, Charleston, SC 
Looks like Missouri:  Northern Arkansas
Worst drought:  Missouri
2nd smelliest state:  Alabama
Coolest "Gone with the Wind" southern staircase:  Bowling Green, Kentucky
Boiled peanuts on the side of the road:  Georgia
Best hosts:  tie  Andersons:  antiquing, Shark Week, fried green tomatos --Georgia
                         Phillips: Cuban, beach, Star Wars Dave--Florida
You might go to jail if you take a rock from the ground:  Fort Sumter, SC
Speedy drivers:  the entire South
No hot water in the hotel:  Orlando, Florida
Best dead ancestors:  Exie, Kentucky
Rudest guests:  tie:  Mammoth Cave, Kentucky
                                Disneyworld, Orlando, Florida
Marketing snafoo:  Hurricane Isaac report followed by the "Come visit the Gulf" campaign
Best Marilyn Monroe impersonation:  The Girl in her Sunday dress in front of the chip delivery guy
Best meditative moment/God is Amazing:  Daytona Beach, Florida at night
Safari vacation location sign:  Peru  Arkansas
Most admired "genuine Mormon":  Daniel Logan
Looking out for my best interest:  John Tesh and his helpful tips Lousiana
Almost vomit your Mexican dinner on the space ride:  Epcot, Orlando Florida
Makes me want to march:  Selma, Alabama
Hooary!:  Boyfriend emails the address Atlanta, Georgia
Darkest black:  Mammoth Cave, Kentucky
Bug Holocaust:  Louisana
You are kidding me: Kingdom City, Missouri (the air conditioning stopped working three hours into the 17 day trip....nice)
Holy Ghost moment:  Charleston, South Carolina
Opps!:  Missed three birthdays
You are kidding me Part 2:  Hurrican Isaac interrupts the convention and no New Orleans on the trip
Nicest homeless man:  Burger King, Daytona Beach, Florida
No hot water in public restrooms:  the entire South
Largest speedway:  Daytona, Florida
Best town name:  Jane, Missouri
Probably not again:  Disneyworld Orlando, Florida
No paper towels in restrooms:  entire South
Eaten alive by mosquitos:  Charleston, South Carolina
Best Henna tattoo:  Epcot Orlando, Florida
Best handbar moustache on a monk:   Mepkin Abbey, Monks Corner, S Carolina
"We almost died":  Freeway, Jacksonville, Florida rush hour in the rainstorm
It is really red dirt like on Tara Plantation:  Georgia
You know you're in the south:  4 windows in a trailer covered with Confederate flags Kentucky
New found loves:  tie--not cooking for 17 days
                                     watching tv in bed
Should have left it at home:  Tolkein book, DAR application
Stangest stowaway in the car:  Dave's church suit
Is there somewhere to pull off for a picture:  the entire South
Irony:  "Trees for the future."  Next to a grove of dead trees  Arkansas
Weird to see:  going to the beach with friends you never seen in swimsuits  Florida
Third smelliest state:  South Carolina
The most argumentative member of our group:  The TomTom (Garmin).  Named Leia.
Walmarts on the side of the road:  28 (The Girl had guessed 27)
"You've been talking in your sleep:"  The Girl  entire south
Best religious song I have ever heard:  1st song by the monks
Smoothest reflective water:  Florida
Best car snacks:  melted clumpy snackwells
Favorite t-shirt slogan I saw:  "I had friends on that Death Star."  Florida
Prettiest views:  Arkansas and Tennessee
Best gas station:  White Oak Rogers, Arkansas
Movie star interaction: Seth Green Orlando, Florida
Pharmacy of the South:  Walgreens.  CVS?  Forget about it.  Entire South
Odd couple:  bacon lollipop  Arkansas
Temples seen:  5
Boringest landscape:  Missouri
Best Salad:  Orlando, Florida
Most humbling moment:  Precious treasures of slaves South Carolina
Cheapest Meal:  Rich Hill, Missouri
Most states covered in one day:  6
Best imitation of a baked potato:  Stone Mountain, Georgia
Rick Springfield's "best work":  Jessie's Girl  Arkansas
Most new buildings:  Joplin, Missouri
Best guest driver:  Dave  Florida
Favorite unexpected stop:  the abbey  South Carolina
Party like a rock star:  The Girl....hair stylist, costume mistress, chef, drivers, and handlers
Priceless:  Time with my daughter and great friend Carol :)